A Christmas Song for Now (filmed on IPhone) NOT ASMR

I recorded this song with my friend and producer, Stu Kimball, an amazing guitarist and Boston music legend who toured with Bob Dylan for 19 years. In 2019, we started working together. In 2021, he told me about his diagnosis of early onset dementia. It breaks my heart to see the one person who believed in my music suddenly begin to struggle more and more each day. However, it is part of the reason we’re still making music together. We recorded some songs a few months ago and hopefully will get to record more in the new year- finishing an album that has taken 6 years so far to complete. Dana Colley (from the legendary band Morphine) plays saxophone on this song, Jon Sands (who plays for Aimee Mann) is on drums, and Dave Westner (who also recorded and mixed the song) is on the bass guitar. Dave produced a ton of great albums (like for Vapors of Morphine) and has been in the music scene with Stu and the other guys for years. I’m lucky to have their experience which adds depth to my songs. I couldn’t have done it without them!

TRIGGER WARNING: Growing up, my mom always tried to make the holidays special. We always had a real Christmas tree, but never had a lot of money, so we always only got 3 gifts (just like baby Jesus did.) Unfortunately, there’s an extra layer of complication for me during the holidays because of long-term abuse that took place every single Christmas. That trauma lives with me now - I hold hands with that darkness. Every year it bubbles up again, and I have to grapple with the fact that a large portion of my childhood was stolen from me because of that abuse. Most of my immediate family moved to Massachusetts from Oklahoma, but I still have a brother and nephew in Oklahoma that I don’t get to see this year, as well as other extended family members. Our family was basically split apart after the abuse, and Christmas was never the same again. We don’t have big holiday parties with tons of family members, we usually have an intimate, quiet Christmas together - which I’m super grateful for.

My birthday is December 14, so Christmas feels like it’s a part of my DNA. For other Dec. babies, you probably know what I’m talking about. All this leading to a complex love-hate relationship with this holiday.

Check out the full song on Spotify or any streaming platform. I cut out the intro for social media because I feel like petiole click away too fast before they get into the meat of the song. So check out the full length version of the song and let me know what you think of it in the comments.

https://open.spotify.com/album/6cpRd0vrRyxscEnYjHXrHg?si=y5AR2Ih0TZqDRQLapN0ing